Week 13: Microwave Apple Butter

The book: The Microwave Gourmet (Barbara Kafka)

The recipe: p399, "Apple Butter"

Ah, The Microwave Gourmet. "The definitive microwave cookbook", as it claims on the front cover. I've been waiting for this one to come up. I can't quite remember why it's even in my collection, to be honest - some combination of late-night blog surfing, a £0.01 + P&P price on Amazon and an itchy mouse finger, no doubt - but here it is, gloriously untouched and poised to deliver some wonderful shortcuts to an easy and delicious meal.

The cover also quotes Jane Grigson describing it as "an extraordinary, comprehensive book", and in many respects she's not wrong - as well as the recipes, there are huge sections on how best to prepare, defrost and cook individual ingredients in the microwave, the different kinds of dishes and containers used in the recipes, even the best way to arrange your food to ensure it's cooked evenly.

If this all sounds like it's aimed at people who've never used a microwave before, it's worth bearing in mind that the book was originally published in the late 1980s, so that probably isn't too far from the truth. The date also means that what the book repeatedly describes as "100%" microwave power turns out to be 700W, a slightly puny figure by today's standards. Worth remembering before inadvertently zapping your apples on 1000W.

Did I say apples? Yes, yes I did. Naturally, the random number generator chooses to ignore all of the beef stews, risottos, fish dishes and other delights elsewhere in the book, instead taking us to the "Jams & ..." section and lumbering us with this week's selection: Apple Butter.

Apple Butter?

I mean, I don't even know what those two words are doing next to each other, although Barbara Kafka (let's just take a moment to appreciate that name, by the way - I don't know what she looks like but I'm imagining an even more severe Judge Judy) relates a childhood tale about making it "on American Indian day at summer camp", so I'm guessing it's something our friends from across the pond will be more familiar with.

In any case, the recipe quickly makes it clear that we're essentially talking about a spiced apple sauce, give or take. My last encounter with this particular food group was when I had a nasty stomach bug last summer and ended up subsisting on white bread buns and apple sauce all week (great weight loss tip, FWIW). Today I'm going to go a little classier and use this as an excuse to dig some pork loin chops out of the freezer. We'll see just how Kafkaesque things get from here on.

The prep: The main ingredient, funnily enough, is apples. Bramleys, to be specific. Other than that, the recipe calls for two types of sugar - dark brown and caster - plus various spices, namely cinnamon, allspice, cloves and nutmeg. I only have to buy one of these specially for the occasion, which is saying something considering how rarely I ever need to use the others. 

I may not be missing many ingredients, but here's an unexpected hitch: at one point the method requires me to uncover the dish and pass the contents "through the medium disc of a food mill". I genuinely have no idea what this means, but a bit of creative googling suggests that anything that'll squish the mixture into a purée-like consistency will do. I briefly consider using a potato ricer before realising the food processor would make a lot more sense (albeit probably offering less in the way of anecdote value further down the line).

The making: First up, four big Bramley apples are cut into chunks. The recipe doesn't require them to be peeled or cored first - I assume the magical food mill would take care of any extraneous parts - but I figure we don't really want that stuff messing up our "butter", so out it goes. The apples are then mixed with the sugars and spices and placed in a dish. A "27.5 x 21 x 10 cm" dish, specifically. I don't know how big American microwaves are, but that is not going to happen here, and so:

If you're thinking it looks like I've just assembled the contents of a marginally more savoury apple crumble... well, you'd be right. A tight covering of microwave-friendly cling film is added and we're ready to go.

After 15 minutes in the microwave at "100%", the contents are blitzed to a halfway smooth consistency in the food processor. Can you guess what apples, dark sugar and dark spices look like after they've been in a blender for a while?

 
That's right: disgusting.

Another 10 minutes at "100%" and our apple butter (ahem) is ready to be decanted into jars, or indeed smeared all over some heavily cut-price pork from the local Tesco Express (three cheers for shop staff with poor inventory management skills!).

The eating: Actually, once you get past the visuals and the consistency, this recipe makes a lot of sense. It basically takes boring old apple sauce and adds some interesting dark wintry spices and complex flavours without detracting too much from the fundamental sweetness (hardly surprising since there's 190 grams of sugar in here, but hey).

It does go well with pork, as you'd expect, but it remains the lowlight of a plate involving broad beans, roasted broccoli and spuds - and it's certainly the least attractive component in terms of presentation:

#slop

While it still beats opening a jar of supermarket apple sauce, if the purpose of The Microwave Gourmet is to make life easier, I don't see how this is substantially better than just using a pan on a low heat like a normal person. It certainly is quicker - Kafka bemoans the lengthy cooking and stirring required in the original version, whereas this is done and dusted in barely half an hour - but the traditional process would likely give a richer and more caramelised flavour to the sauce, there's just as much washing-up to do afterwards, and what should be convenient ends up still feeling like quite a faff.

Judgement on the book as a whole, however, will be reserved until the finger of fate points to something that's more like an actual recipe I'd ever consider making.

One-word verdict: